recklesstales (recklesstales) wrote,
recklesstales
recklesstales

Back?

Gonna get back into blogging. I fell into a deep dark depression where I didn't want to do anything. Not even get up out of bed some days. I tried going in for counseling and I feel like they fucked around with referring me here and referring me there like wtf I just want to talk to someone! Shouldn't they all be qualified? That's a hot mess.
I got referred to an eating disorder specialist and I don't want to go. For some reason it freaks me out too much and makes me want to cry. I didn't even go in and say I have an eatin disorder I went in and said I have anxiety and depression and I want to be treated for that. I know why I eat and puke because it relieves my stress because I have anxiety and depression. Like. It's not rocket science. I don't want some lady weighing me or telling me what to do or eat. I'm not gonna do it.
I started hcg and I'm gonna finish it. I don't know what day I'm on but I've lost 6 lbs so far. My starting weight was 193 and I'm 187. I'm pretty happy. I wanna lose 30 more lbs on it because that's the max you can lose in 40 days. I know I can do it. Sad thing is 157 is still big for someone my height. I wanna lose 20 more after that. I'm thinking I'm gonna buy the tone it up meal plan after I reach my goal. Those girls are amazing!

I'm really pissed at my ex BFF. He went off on me and said I look down on him and judge him and basically I'm a passive aggressive bitch. He can fuck off because I've been nothing but there for him. I know he is going through a lot but he doesn't have to take it out on me. I just really see him differently after that fight. My bf was about to kick him out after speaking to me that way. He apologized for his language but im just over him. I have him a place to stay. I buy shit for the house all the time. I clean up after his ass and he flips the fuck out because I told him to clean up his hair shavings via a note. Seriously he can kiss my ass if he wants to spit in my face like that. I can't wait till he moves out.

Him and my other roommate belong together.. Two assholes gonna be living together in a shithole because they don't clean and all they do is smoke pot and play video games
I'm done venting. Time for bed.

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